There's a space
in my chest
where I feel
the absence of
my heart - that was torn out
The space is small
like my feelings were
It wasn't always like that;
It was big once...
and full of love
Until that day,
when I saw
behind the lies
that were a part
Now I know
I was nothing more
than a puppet
to the devil
Copyright by C. J. Spammer - 29 March 2017
Life is a cell phone
On automatic dial
Language is the tombstone
Ideas are a smile
Social media popular
Invisible people are fraught
Become a cyber star
Society of virtual thought
My car to drive itself
I’m free to inebriate
Protection from each other
Safety’s new blind date
Embedded under my skin
Sailing inside my ship
Determining next of kin
Redesigning my life
Survival is an adaptor
With my computer wife
Amazing maid and cook
She never acts with spite
Attractive shiny look
In libido’s moonlight
Our Eternal Soul
Life force beyond the self
Boasting its own identity
Reality on the shelf
Soul of life’s meaning
Of all my other pasts
Ancestral wisdom recast
Surfing your timeless esprit
Am I parcel of you
Or are you parcel of me
And are we truly free?
Shapeless plasma form
You are an energy ghost
Anguish or brainstorm
Glad you’re my current host
There is no coffin to fear
Since soul lives beyond
And travels in a sphere
Until its time to spawn
Dream of eternal appeal
Dance and laugh with death
Feeling alive and surreal
Past my final breath
When you first departed
My heart was full of pride
Your talking eyes are thrilled
Happiness of a bride
Ascendancy is laughter
College jumps a stride
Time to be the rafters
And throw the past aside
Now my thoughts collide
Your image is my mind
Stretching to smile inside
Yet feelings twist behind
To welcome another phase
My gut turned upside down
Missing your spirited ways
Memories tease my frown
When I start to dine
You’re sitting across from me
Emptiness looking to find
I imagine you perfectly
So nice of you to chat
Silence to those less free
Elated we are together
All I ever knew is rejection in my life.
The complexion of tar imprinting a permanent scar of strife.
A Scarlett letter of a dark color, treated like a stain.
Wanting society to treat me fair, though all I get is pain.
Mama never liked me because I didn’t fit the mold.
I can’t control who I am, and I refuse to quiet my bold.
For it is the shield of armor against a world complacent in hate.
Be it home life, work life or love life – it seems to be my fate.
That no matter how hard I push myself, I hardly get too far.
When everyone around you wants to tell you who you are.
What you’ll never be – places you’ll never see. A caged bird it feels I am.
I’m simply screaming to the world, ‘just let me be! got damn!’
I’m not trying to hurt nobody, though plenty have hurt me.
When I gave my love to a phony tony, my heart was stolen – lock & key.
Showing me no mercy through the journey of his loveless game of chess.
Playing on my emotions in the guise of devotion, he showed me hate the best.
Dressed up as love in its purest and most sincere form, initially…
Eventually placidly yet drastically, I felt myself drowning in toxicity.
It took me three agonizing years before I found my exit route
Wheeling away the remainder of my feelings in an empty brouette.
In my departure, he didn’t neglect to remind me of my flaws
Too dark! Too strong! Too eccentric. For every effect, I was the cause.
Of why he wouldn’t and couldn’t, stand tall, deep in love with me.
This is the story of my life – Oh what a tragedy….
Maybe one day soon I hope, I’ll be more than just a stain
Dark and lovely forever defines me, as I long for fortune and gain!...
I am stronger than anyone’s opinion of me could ever be
I am strong because I believe in me.
I am stronger than anything that can clearly be seen
My strong is quiet. My strong lives within me
I am strong because of the obstacles that I have faced
I am stronger than I was yesterday
I have faith in my dreams, and I am strong enough to face them
I may stumble. I may fall. But always shall I persevere and attain them
Through strength, love and guidance from the Heaven above
Always, shall I always, be stronger than I was
I am strong! I am proud! And I love the skin I’m in
I speak my strength into existence, and that is where it begins.
(c) 2016 ~Jenaha~
yield lives without reason,
God will find an
and turns clocks’ hands askew
to filter time;
doves perch precarious
on branches hung for trees;
a force steers bullets’ paths
when they strafe to spray;
death’s bones are lined
with marrow that says
life’s moments are altered
to spin history,
and find heels that
bruise so He might see;
it selects weary saints,
those who surmise
the helpless abused
martyrs He can spare;
hands drag the oceans, they
find fields where death lives;
like trains that stop
can jolt suns to rise;
in doldrums plaintive
angels fear to sing;
a whispered call
steers the albatross
to feed the dying;
it upsets man’s plan,
it brings mustard stains;
it plants the seeds in minds
and trains eyes too blind
to see pockets in the sun;
the weakest link barbs
wire that fences shake—
so meek voices matter
when grounds begin to quake
God picks randomly,
and ticks timelessly,
it weaves tapestries
from the silk caskets
worms can never find.
You’re trying your best to hide your bruises.
He slaps you around and says that you’re useless.
You’re starting to believe that maybe it’s true.
He doesn’t appreciate anything you do.
Make-up hides bruises but not the pain.
There’s little sunshine and lots of rain.
It’s like you’re on a roller coaster ride.
With Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde.
Love should never include pain.
But for you he has so much disdain.
You say it’s hard for you to get out.
Could it be yourself who you really doubt?
Being beat by him is not amusing.
He tells you he loves you but it’s you he’s confusing.
Everyone wonders why you keep on staying.
You’ll get out safely we’re hoping and praying.
He keeps getting worse and acting real strange.
When will you realize he’s not going to change?
The verbal abuse is just as bad.
It tears you down and keeps you sad.
It makes you feel like less than a lady.
And sometimes it even makes you feel crazy.
What he did to you was assault and battery.
You keep on saying, “Oh he’s just mad at me.”
You keep on believing that it’s your fault.
And you keep on taking his assault.
The police come so often your home is their substation.
You never press charges so it causes frustration.
Sad thing is he too was a victim.
But I refuse to make excuses for him.
Just take a look at your face in the mirror.
Old bruises new bruises but it never gets clearer.
Sometimes he treats you like you’re a Queen.
But what about the times he’s just plain mean?
You long for the times he treats you right.
You’re hoping and praying for another good night.
Please get out of this for heaven’s sake.
If you don’t you’re making a big mistake.
When all is said and done it’s your decision.
Getting out should be your primary mission.
You thought he was the best man in the world.
But you made a mistake so move on girl!...
Ceremonial dress of rushing haze
bellows out its stupor into the mirror's reflection
she stood unclothed and complete
sheathed in the sleek dampness
the haziness implores an awakening
blaring at the eye's insight
thrilling, at an opening door
to see through the cleansing
scattering to catch the opening light!
the meeting of an unclothed self!
They say she has a beautiful smile
That it’s contagious
And that it can light up a room
But they do not see
The sadness in her eyes
They do not see
The world of pain
She tries so hard to hide
Behind her sweet, smiling lips
The world where dwelt
A soul too wretched
To come out into the light
A creature so torn and damaged
No tender ministration
Could soothe or cure
Her tortured soul cries in silence
Hidden from all eyes
Behind her beautiful smile.
They told us a mermaid live in Sea
Moon send light from far distance to earth.....
Deer live in Jungles and deserts...
Stars are away to get near.....
That’s may be true somehow
A girl of Ebony broke theory of life and death....
Turn light to dark
through glittering wide eyes
Turn dark to light through whitening teeth...
A black hair...
Cover the whole world
As darkness cover mountains
They told us
Through ancient times
Mermaid can't found
But that ebony move with calm
Like soft wind
From which side it hit
She is cold breeze of winter
A hot rose of all seasons
a rain drops of fall
Fall that bring roses to life
A moon of heaven when it get dark
A potential hot shark
if she is with company and mates
Black is organs....
Black is an organ....
Organs of beauty
Soft and sweetly
Tell me if I met deer
With glittering shining eyes
why I should not be happy
Ebony, deer of deer
Queen among queens
Daughter of Jungles
from south to end of beauty
I want my alone time just you and I.Don't care if no one has to come by. I want my alone time the way it used to be. No one but you and me.
I want my alone time without any interruptions. We need no introduction. Just you and me, the way it used to be.
I want my alone time and I need it now. We don't need anyone to show us how. Just you for me and me for you, we both know what to do.